Over the past few years, as a parent I have evolved, I have learnt every single day, emotionally matured. I am sure most of you agree that parenting is most humbling, overwhelming experience where there is no dropping, no escaping or no finish line.
Fortunately, I feel blessed to have a level headed approach towards parenting. Neither do I juggle between uncertainty of future nor brood over the sabotage of the past. I do not tend to race the mental multi tasking. I try to live in the moment and deal with it.
My son is now 8 years old and I perceive this approach of mindfulness has grown with me since his infancy. More often than not, our minds are programmed to be anxious, stressed or getting out of sync for even the pettiest of issues like our kids not finishing a bowl of vegetables. If I am allowed to be precise, this is what we need to deal with. Mindful parenting is a conscious effort in dealing with the present moment and not allowing our Adrenalin rush to take over. Some conscious efforts I make:
Play as a kid: My son loves pretend plays and more often than not, want me to be involved in his detective stories and in his super cop investigations. I am always the Koga Ninja for him, while he is the the Eega Ninja. For the benefit of the people who do not watch Ninja Hattori, Koga Ninjas are bad guys who try to trap Eega Ninjas and Eegas are the ones who try to protect the world. Though I am always hard pressed for time, I give my best to be a part of it.
Impact: This helps us to slow down the rat-race of parenting and follow the pace of our kids. Most likely, I am not eager to run the race of raising multi talented kid. One at a time is our approach. Currently, he is a fan of Football and I would wait for him to choose any other sport over this.
Listen not hear : I am sure most of us are hard pressed for time, be it for doing our regular chores, the academic compulsions, so on and so forth. But, rest assured, try to listen to your kids than hearing them. Your kids are certain to act like kids, which means they have different emotions, priorities, choices at different points of time. It is upto us to give it a listening ear, understand and empathize. After all, they grow up by seeing us.
Impact: This helps us to empathize with our kids and implants the confidence in them to reach out to us for any situation. Mindfulness does not mean anything beyond bringing our consciousness to the experience and avoid being judgmental about the situation.
No Yelling: Try practicing a methodology of not to yell at the kids. I am sure this demands a humongous amount of practice, patience especially when our kids are yelling to the glory. Easy to say than done, I am just jotting down my approaches here and it might not apply the same to all. Every style of parenting is unique.
Impact: When you stop yelling at them, you come in conscience of yourself, understand the situation and approach with a balanced vibe.
Mindfulness is all about staying centered and not to react in the situation. This is not impossible but did I tell you, it needs a bit of practice. You may want to make it a regular practice to slow down at instances which goes out of your control, instances which triggers you to yell. Try to make it a practice and you will not even realize when you are at the downhill. Trust me, it works!!
Sharing a quirky conversations:
Amma: “ You know the maths olympiad results have been announced”
Dheer ( without a bit of excitement) : “ That’s nice”
Amma : “ Do you want to know what your score is? “
Dheer: “ Yeah, I don’t mind”
Amma: “It is 25/40”
Amma: “Your friend ABC scores 40/40”
Dheer: “ Vow!! That’s nice”.
He runs to his father and exclaims: “Do you know that ABC scored 40 and he is the international topper” totally forgetting that he scored much lower than ABC and need to work on it.
Such is the innocence of kids and such are instances we need to deal with.
Below is the picture of our date last week. I ensure we have a date together once in a while ( only my son and me, father spared) and do what he loves the most. On our last date, we gamed, watched Aquaman, ate ice-creams and totally loved the time together!!!
Plan your solo dates with your kids and trust me, it makes wonders both for them and to us as parents.