I am a selfish mom!!! Ooo yeah I am…..

I don’t help my son in

Washing his dirty shoes

Packing his school bags

Cleaning his plates and spoons

Arranging his Toys

I don’t mind being selfish!!! Yes, you read it right, I am a selfish mom and I don’t mind being one.

Quite often, I have seen many mommies who give up living for themselves after kids. They forgo their me time and their solo motto in life turns to be running errands for their family and losing themselves in the run.

I feel it is absolutely okay for a mom to go out on a lunch date with her friends over the weekend or to spend an extra hour at the gym or get relaxed with a pedicure at the parlor.

The world is not going to end if you finish the last few pages of the book you have been reading for a while, if you take long showers you are longing for, if you want to make the most awaited phone call to your BFF, while your kid gloriously surpass his father  sitting in the couch and come bang on your face to open the snacks box for him.

Yes, the world is not going to end!!!!

As mothers we are born compassionate, naturally caring, genetically multi tasking. But, as time passes, we moms tend to forget that we were once chirpy young girls aspiring high, socializing and living our dreams. We tend to forget ourselves and run the rat race of DO-EVERYTHING-ASK-NOTHING mode.

I strongly advocate the thought that Mommies need to live for themselves. We need to escape the insanity of the daily lives and define our dreams, make our hobbies and place ourselves ahead of others.

At my home, I ensure my son

Grates the cheese for the omelettes

Arranges his books after being back from school

Cleans the place if it is messed up

Helps in laundry

And couple of more duties.

Yes, I do this purposefully. I don’t want my son to be deprived of being a capable man. I want to enable him to be a good cook, good home maker and a good human being. Many of our Indian men are not enabled to run the errands at home, to help their wives in kitchen or to buy good groceries, ours being no exception. So, I fancy my son to be a man who is able to handle both his professional and person life perfectly.

Further more, I also do not mind if my MIL controls my son’s screen time, if my MIL serves him lunches and dinners, my husband helps him to get ready to school, my husband attends the school meetings, owns paying bills, as that leaves a little room for me to be myself and I find it utterly perfect to use this time to concentrate better on my work  or finish a blog post I have been writing for long or go out to shop the outfit I have been eyeing for long or just take the lazy afternoon sleep.

So,next time you need to cut down your shower time because your toddler is waiting at the door, the next time you want to give up your favorite movie to watch an animation movie, next time you want to give up your pedicure time for a park visit of your kid, think again. It is absolutely normal to place yourself ahead of your kids and have your own me time and the world is not going to end only because of this act of yours.

After all, at the end of the day, a happy mom is a happy family and I am sure a good spa would definitely make you happy. Go get done one now!!

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My Kindergartener son

Your little toes, your chubby cheeks, your tummy kicks,trust me, I am fond of these as ever and pretty sure I would not get enough of the memories.

As I fondly reminisce the baby you were once, today I am proud to be the mommy of a grownup Kindergartener.

Time just flies by and I can’t agree more. This year had been brilliant for us. The first day of your school is still a wink away for me, your excitement for new shoes, your like for the new snacks box, how could I forget it?

Though we started on a giddy feeling of reading difficulties, we coped it up well as time progressed.

By the time, you finished your kindergarten:

  • You empathize with mommy the way I would expect you to be.
  • You have gratitude for little things.
  • You are a disciplined student.
  • You are responsible in finishing your assignments on time.
  • You appreciate mommy’s efforts for your tasty lunch box.
  • You respect the time fixed for cartoons and video games.

In terms of academics too, this year had been incredible.

  • You learnt to say one to hundred without a number skipped and you realize there are numbers beyond hundred too.
  • You now know to add and subtract single digit numbers.
  • You write your name far better than what you were doing it last year and I don’t have to look for the letters forming your name all over the page now.
  • You can write small sentences with proper grammar.
  • You enjoy writing small picture comprehension passages all by yourself.
  • You are good in skip counts, though you sometimes challenge that skip count after 15 is 25.
  • You know vowels and their usage.

I must take this moment to profusely thank your Class teacher Mrs.Divyatha for having been one-of-her own kind. She was the one who inculcated the thoughts that values are much more important than grades in the class. She had been an awesome teacher I must say!!

So, as we progress to the next class ( Grade 1), you now know more than I do about how to book a train ticket through reservation form, what a ticket conductor does in a train, the precautions we need to take when there is a fire or what  is a good touch and a bad touch and I am certainly proud of it my little boy.

I love the way you exhibit empathy and compassion at every possible juncture and I am happy your school has inculcated many life lessons to follow. Overall, kindergarten has made you a more resilient, empathetic, competitive personality.

As you sleep and dip into your dreams, this mommy sits beside you savouring your tummy kicks, your first steps, your innocent words, your intelligent explanations. Very soon, you will be grown into a handsome young boy aspiring bigger, chasing your dreams. Here is wishing you a great life ahead filled with compassion, love, empathy all around you!!! Being an empathetic, socially responsible human being is equally important as being educated and well-earned.

God bless you with a life of your choice.

My attempt to capture the memories of your upper Kindergarten are here in this video.

 

 

Why did I grow?

Me:  “Son!! There is a good book and bad book!! When you do good deeds, God gives you a good point and vice-versa”

One evening, as he tries to finish his dinner, Dheer says “Mom!! I am feeling sleepy, I don’t want to eat any more.”

Me: “Dheer!! You know what happens, God is going to give a bad point if you waste food. Think about it”

Dheer: “But Mom, God is the one who is making me sleepy, how can he give bad point at the same time? “

Innocence?? or Intelligence ?? Either-ways, mommy is happy listening to Dheer.

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I am participating in BarAthon. Today is Day 5

Today’s prompt: Tiny Shoes

What you don’t know?

What you don’t know?
My son, is that behind…
Every cuddle, there is an irrevocable experience
Every smile, there is a  jubilant energy
Every scream, there is a conscious mom
Every timeout, there is guilt
Every hug, there is a prayer for your well being
Every bye, there is a positive prayer
Every meal, there is a healthy vibe
Every good wish, there is strong hope

Every good night, there is a gratitude to nature

My son, as I see you grow, my gratitude prayers to the nature are more persistent. God bless you with good health, immense opportunity and a good nature to be a nice human being, rest of the things will fall in place!!!

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I am participating in Bar-A-Thon challenge. This is Day 2 of the #BarAThon Challenge
Today’s prompt: What you don’t know?
 
 
 


The tender wings

“Radha was an intelligent girl who was consistently good at her scores in the school. Since childhood, she had high aspirations to pursue her Phd in space technology and earn a name as a scientist.  She finished her schooling and got admission in a meritorious college for her graduation and topped the ranks. It was the time for her to study her dream degree.

As she started her preparations in identifying a good college, she was bombarded with exorbitant tuition fees. It was not too late before she realized that they belonged to a middle class family and her parents could not have a substantial saving for her to pursue her dreams. Her dream castle bundled down and she had to settle for a mediocre job.”

As I read this story in a novel, many thoughts triggered in my mind. When I was a kid, I was questioned “What do you want to become when you grow up?? An Engineer? Or a Doctor??” Back then, there were not too many options one could choose.

In today’s framework , the situation essentially is unconventional. The kids of this generation have umpteen options to choose from. My thoughts took a projectile motion and made me realize that by the time my son finishes his schooling and ready to set his wings in the dream field he wants, we must be equipped enough to provide him with the required support. We must be financially, emotionally ready to let him allow to chase his dream career be it being a service man or  a scientist or a radio jockey. We need to be open to accept his choice and support him financially and emotionally.

It so happened that once when I introduced my son to a DIY kit with nuts and bolts to fix a machine up, I inferred that the toy will help him to grow up to become a scientist who invents new machines but not a mechanic who fixes the things up. Yes, we insist this at every step and teach them to think big, develop passions, have goals and run after them.Don’t we? Now, this makes me think how prepared am I to face the D-day.

As in the story narrated in the beginning, many of the today’s middle class families end up in compromising the children’s aspirations  due to lack of proper financial planning.Apparently, I also find out from a google search that in a recent more than 3/4th parents are of the view that education costs are going to rise significantly over the next few years and not surprisingly, most of them do not have an exact view of how much it would cost It was also observed that many parents are not fully prepared to handle the high fees. And in case of foreign education, it becomes all the more difficult since one has to take into account living expenses in addition to tuition fees.

I also happen to incidentally land at  the home work site and  ‘The Homework app’ .Through the Homework app, parents can find out the costs of education across a multitude of courses in various countries at their finger tips. The app not only gives info on the future value of the course which their children want to pursue , but also the estimated amount to invest to reach that goal.

For all of us parents, google is the master guru and the  scores of information available not only for us to analyze but also for us to perplex with the options available. I preferred to read through a reliable source of information which states that recently, an earlier investor education campaign was conducted to educate people of right method of saving for us to understand the right way of investments.

Iterating the fact that small drops make an ocean, our small little savings today build for the child’s future. Today’s small investment in the right way takes us to the right goal at the right time. Imagine the proud moment when your child comes home fulfilling his dream education with an elite career. I am sure that is moment we all are waiting to see, aren’t we?

With the skyrocketing inflation and innumerable options and our children’s aspirations, it is right time we pledge to save in a systematic way and support the tender wings growing into stronger ones to see them fly high above reaching their aspirations.

My big boy!! You are now Five!!

Time flew by in a blink,

Was it yesterday?? I still think…

My big boy, You are now five!!

Those tummy kicks,

Your naughty winks

My big boy, you are now five!!

You are growing quick

Selfies we click

My big boy, you are now five!!

Dheer, time flies so fast!!! It still feels like yesterday that I had severe contractions that night while watching a TV show, when you decided to pop out, to today,when you have grown up to be Mommy’s big boy making your choices to what you want to wear!!

I am grateful to the nature for having blessed me with a wonderful son like you, you made me rediscover myself, change myself from the days I refused to grow up to today when I am an obsessive mother, I just can’t remember a bit of what I was before you.

This year had been a fabulous journey for us and capturing some of our memories :

  • This year you have debuted watching television and also you have fallen in love with Octonauts, Mickey Mouse, Pirates and the list goes on.
  • You have mastered the art of selfies. We are up and ready for a selfie any day, perhaps every day.
  • You have been generous enough to choose your dad over me to dress you up for school.
  • You have been a stickler with the tastes. You  know how exactly a dish should appeal and taste.
  • You started helping mommy in daily chores.
  • You have graduated from the basic rides in a fun zone to the 3D car races and bike races.
  • You have learnt that you should not disturb mommy when she is down with migraine, and so you ensure to switch off lights and move away.
  • You have been kind enough to give me a break from reading innumerable number of stories to two per day before we sleep.
  • At school, you have been an obedient student and your grades have been proving the same.
  • This year, you know to identify A-Z and to write 1-10, you also have picked up amazing English vocabulary and you enjoy speaking in English.

and I can write a zillion more….

So, as you turn five, it is the time for us to express the gratitude to having got this wonderful life. As I always teach you, live simple, spread love, be kind and have gratitude for every little thing we have in our lives.

Have a healthy, happy life. God bless you!!

Me and my son Dheer have recently fallen in love with this song from a book by Ryan Huston. Here it is  for you all

“Love you forever

Like you for always

As long as I am living

My baby you will be!!”

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Struggle with the Shoes

We all love to be those “Movie families” who peacefully sit at the breakfast table discussing the agenda of the day. Don’t we?

But in reality, I am sure, in most of the households, mornings are flocked with innumerable number of responsibilities. For me personally, breakfast, lunch to be prepared, boxes to be packed and unlimited number of reminders to Dheer (and his dad)  to be on time to school and me rushing to be on time to work.

Luckily, my husband takes the onus of getting Dheer dressed up to the school, but how can a chance to spruce up my adrenaline be missed?? Dheer chose me to help him with his shoes.

Shoes!! The word gives me ghostly vibes. Reason, my every day battle with Dheer to get an okay nod for the shoes. No, no!! He does not hate wearing shoes but he is just NOT satisfied with the way the laces are tied.

Usually, we need to start at home by 8:45 A.M. The school is about 5 min from our home and it is mandatory for us to be at the school by 8:50 A.M

8:30 A.M: After about close to an hour’s struggle by his dad to wake him up, brushing, poop, milk, bath etc ( This surely deserves a separate post), Dheer is ready to be dressed up for the school.

8:35 A.M: He is dressed in his uniform waiting for me to help him with the shoes

Attempt 1:

8:36 A.M : I put on the shoes, tie his lace

8:38 A.M: “Amma, you put on the shoes in the wrong way!!! I don’t like them”

Attempt 2:

8:40 A.M : I remove the shoes and help him wear it again, this time tying it more affirmed.

8:42 A.M: “No, these lace are hanging out. I can’t walk if the lace is placed wrongly. Please remove the shoes”

Attempt 3:

8:45 A.M: I remove the shoes again, try to divert his concentration by telling stories and put back the shoes, this time doing a double knot

8:46A.M: “Amma!!!!! I like the story but not the shoes….You always put it lose… How can I run if it is like this?”

Attempt 4:

8:47 A.M: I untie the lace, tie it back and ensure no portion of the lace is left hanging

8:50 A.M: Dheer crying out loud : “Amma, when will you learn how to put on shoes??? My toe is coming out of the shoe and I am not able to walk”

Attempt 5:

8:55 A.M: Do the complete cycle of putting on the shoes, tying the lace yet again. (Patience at the lowest ebb)

After about 15 minutes of struggle, though he is still unhappy with the shoes, he gives me an OKAY nod. I feel as though I won the “ Best Blogger award for a cash prize of rupees one crore” for a moment and try to hold his hand and walk fast towards the main door.( See the time is already 8:55 A.M)

He pushes, pulls, toggles. stomps with the shoes. He decides that only walking like a rabbit is the right way to walk in the freshly tied lace so that it does not come out and we both walk like rabbit till he is comfortable in the shoes and generously waste about 5 minutes in this activity and end up going late to the school.

This has been the story every day ever since uniform and shoes has been introduced to him about 2 months back. Though I try to explain to him in various degrees of patience (and impatience) depending on how late we are running, it just does not stick.

Now, topping on the toast for today:

Today, Dheer felt his granny was good at tying the lace and so I get a sigh of relief. After dressing up, he approached his granny to tie the lace and it took exactly 10 minutes 23 seconds for them (Yeah, both grandparents included) to get an Okay nod!! Haa…they fare better than me.

Now, I want to know who invented this laces for the shoes???

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Memories Reservoir

Some quirky conversations between Dheer and me:

One evening I was teaching Dheer opposites and my question to him:

Amma: “What is the opposite of light?” (Expecting him to say heavy)

Dheer:  “Opposite of light is fan, because both of them have different switches”

Proud mommy!!! I could not stop but give him a tight hug for his lateral thinking. (At least I assumed so)

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Another such conversation: Continue reading

Kids & Curiosity

“We will reach in next one hour Dheer”, that was precisely 27th time I answered his question in the one and half hours of duration we waited at the airport last week.

I always find the curiosity in kids to be infectious and my son is no different. Recently, Dheer (My 4 year old son) and me traveled to Hyderabad and had a waiting time of 1.5 hours at the airport. Snippets from our journey:

This was his first flight journey after he had grown up to enjoy the travels and able to register details. We reached the airport much before the scheduled time and had to wait for our turn. We checked-in and handed over the counter baggage and waited in the lobby. The minute Dheer discovered that our luggage was not with us anymore, our battle of questions started.

Dheer (With curious eyes) : “Amma, suitcase left to Hyd, when are we going?”

Amma: “ We will be going in 1 hour dear”

Dheer (Surprised) : “ 1 hour!!!! what are we supposed to do?”

Amma (Assuming it to be a smart answer) : “ We need to wait for the announcement to be made”

Dheer (Waiting for me to say yes) : “ Are they going to announce our names”

Amma: “Yes” ( Just to avoid further questions)

Dheer: “When will we reach Hyd?”

Amma: “ We will start in 1 hour dear” (From here on, I get popped up with the same question every 5 minutes)

After 5 minutes, he realized that our names were not announced

Dheer: “Amma, when are they going to announce ‘Dheer, go to Hyd in the flight’ ”

Amma ( Feeling foolish for the previous answer) : “ They will do it in some time”

Dheer: “Amma, how will the suitcase go alone when we are sitting in the airport?”

I tried to convince him with a suitable answer which left him surprised that suitcases can travel alone.

Dheer: “ Amma, when are we reaching Hyd?”

Amma: “ We will start in 45 minutes”

Dheer: “ But they did not announce Dheer’s name”

Amma: “They will do it kanna”

Finally, the announcement was made and we boarded the flight. He decided he has to be seated by the window to enjoy the take off. While we waited for other passengers to be on-boarded, he continued his battle of questions:

Dheer: ” When will the flight become small?”

Amma: “It will never become small”

Dheer: ” No Amma, I saw from the terrace, all the flights become small when they go up in the air”

I understood what he meant and tried explaining him, but the answer seemed to be out of his understanding.

The announcement for the safety instructions was made and at the top of his voice Dheer gloriously says

Dheer: “ Amma, that blue girl ( he meant air-hostess) is saying water landing!! Are we going to do that?”

Amma baffled : “No Dheer, we are going to Hyd, please keep quiet now” and explained him about that the announcement was for safety instructions.

Flight took off. Suddenly, he realized its been 15 minutes that he asked the question

Dheer: “ Amma, When are we going to reach Hyd”

Amma: “ This is the final time I am answering, we will be there in 10 min”

The flight lands and we are now moved into the bus.

Dheer: “ I thought Chaitu mama (My brother) will come to pick us up at the airport, but why are we going home in bus?”

Amma (Trying to manage the answers) : “ We will go out in this bus and from there take the car”

Dheer (Seems convinced) : “ OK, but where is our suitcase?”

Amma ( Appreciating the ownership): “ We need to collect it from the belt”

Dheer (Surprised again) : “ Belt, what belt? My belt is in Chennai, I did not bring it”

I realized that it was an over-boarded answer and explained Dheer that suitcase has to be collected and finally we did the same.

The 3 hours journey time was a very big learning lesson for me. I had to give convincing answers to the curious questions of my son .Children by nature are invariably curious and it is we as parents who need to nurture it and allow them to be curious.

Thanks to the busy life style, often we tend to kill the curiosity by not encouraging them, not paying proper attention. I made some pointers to myself as a responsible (read obsessive) mother:

  1. By being patient: We need to give an ear to the complete details and try to substantiate it with relevant answers.
  2. Encourage them to read: By encouraging them to read more, we are exposing them to various new environments which will increase their curiosity.
  3. Be learned: We need to be learned enough to motivate them to be curious.
  4. Be supportive: For any kind of curious questions they come up,we need to give age-relative answers.
  5. No fear: Fear kills curiosity. We need to develop no-fear attitude in kids for them to explore and be curious.

Over and above all, we need to be a patient listener and a neutral appreciator for their actions and I am sure they would love to be curious and we would be first person for them to approach with a curious question.

Hope these tips help. Happy parenting!!

“Curiosity dimmed is a future denied” – Anonymous.

Curiosity-Quotes-21Linking this to Write Tribe Festival of Words #4 Day 5, for the theme Creativity and Inspiration!

Apple of our eyes

When they say time passes in a wink, I did  not believe till I experienced you grow from an infant to a toddler to Mommy’s big boy this year.

Buddy, I thank you for completing our family.Let me try to verbalize the journey with you in the form of A to Z

Nothing looks to be more charming to me than your Affectionate way of saying “ I love you Amma” .

My fatigue feels vanished the moment I start listening to your Banters after tiring day at work.

I am amazed at your never ending Curiosity to know why the crow could not  drink the water with a straw and had to search for pebbles to push up the water from the pot.

I learnt a lot in the way you care a Damn and the spirit in which you gather yourself after a hard fall in the play ground.

I love the way you Eagerly open the door for me waiting to question why I could not be home an hour early to play with you in the ground.

You Fascinated all of us by memorizing the capitals of 40 countries in less than 3 years ( Youtube link here)

You encourage the cook in me with your Grumpy looks for a healthy dish I make and your Happy look for the fries you force me to make.

The way you Indisputably adjust to Mommy’s failure to spend enough time with you.

Those incredible Jovial moments we share have been the best memories in my life so far. I can’t write about one or two, every moment is a  memory.

Your Knavish tricks in escaping the Time-out in just at the same moment the timer starts

Your Love, need I say more?

Your Metaphoric speeches to explain a silly fight among your friends and how you have to win it every time.

Your Noble thoughts to help me with my weight loss program by gloriously scattering all the toys for me to pack them up.

I love you for me being your Obvious choice for all your daily chores so that your dad can take complete rest. (Brushing, bathing, potty, feeding huh!! the list goes on)

Your attitude of being Picky in what you to choose to wear to ensure that Mommy forgets about her shopping and looks for more for you.

Your Quizzical expressions, ooo…I  love them all!!

The way you win your share of peanut butter, jellies with your incredible  Reasoning ability.    (Peanut butter is good for health, jellies make me full etc etc)

Your Satisfaction even to the petty gifts I buy (crayons, pencils, goggles)

Your Terrific style ( Where did u pick it up buddy?)

I love the way you Unconditionally say “ Amma, I love you!! Have a great day” with a nice peck when I leave to office. ( I know I am repeating, trust me, I can’t get enough of it )

Your Vivacious smiles which always keeps up the positive energy in our house

Your Wee brain that thinks so much, your Wee heart that loves so much, your Wee words that means so much.

Really confused to know how to write with X ??? Do I say, the golden moments when we made Xmas Tree together

You – Yes, its you!!

Your extremely Zealous approach when it comes to exploring ( Read exploiting ) new toys, new books by making me read again and again and again and yet again.

By the time you would read this, you would be a big grown up boy laughing at your obsessive mommy. But, I  would still like to feed you morsels and pamper the way I do today as I will still be your mom and Mommy rocks.

Wishing you loads of luck and happiness in your life.

Love you kanna,

Amma & Appa

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P.S: My son, Dheer celebrated his 4th birthday recently and this was supposed to be posted long back.